Here we go again

Not happy with making a fool of himself a few years ago when he created the "50 Most Conservative Songs" list (one that we went to great pains to debunk and ridicule item by item laughing all the way 'till we cried), reliable right-wing tool/National Review columnist John J. Miller has decided to pen another "masterpiece" about the 25 most conservative movies.

Miller seems to envision himself as some sort of renaissance man that understands pop culture like no other. As usual, however, whenever he strays from political discussion, he falls flat on his face (though in fairness, a good portion of the reviews are written by other critics, he's acting at times as the consolidator of the list). Here are just a few of the movies they selected.

Forrest Gump: Tom Hanks plays the title character, an amiable dunce who is far too smart to embrace the lethal values of the 1960s. (I think Gump would say "sometimes a dunce is just a dunce" or "it takes one to know one")

Groundhog Day: For the conservative, the moral of the tale is that redemption and meaning are derived not from indulging your “authentic” instincts and drives, but from striving to live up to external and timeless ideals. Murray's journey of self-discovery leads him to understand that the fads of modernity are no substitute for the permanent things. (or, he just finally figured out the best way to get in her pants?)

Juno: [i]t also exposes a broken culture in which teen sex is dehumanizing, girls struggle with “choice,” and boys aimlessly try — and sometimes downright fail — to become men. (or, maybe it shows what happens when comprehensive sex education is denied to high school kids. I don't know if he saw the same movie as I, Ellen Page's character seemed to be pretty much the same pre/post pregnancy - and don't even get me started on the creepy Jason Bateman/Ellen Page relationship.)

Ghostbusters: [y]ou have to like a movie in which the bad guy (William Atherton at his loathsome best) is a regulation-happy buffoon from the EPA, and the solution to a public menace comes from the private sector. (if you need marshmallows and pink goo to make your point...try harder.)

The Dark Knight (2008): In his fight against the terrorist Joker, Batman has to devise new means of surveillance, push the limits of the law, and accept the hatred of the press and public. If that sounds reminiscent of a certain former president — whose stubborn integrity kept the nation safe and turned the tide of war — don’t mention it to the mainstream media. (yes, silly me, I just believe in living in a world where the government is required to be transparent and does not have unchecked power to break the law and spy on my every move. You got me there.)

Team America: World Police: It’s amazingly vulgar and depicts Americans as wildly overzealous in fighting terror. Yet the film’s utter disgust with air-headed, left-wing celebrity activism remains unmatched in popular culture. As the heroes move to stop a WMD apocalypse, they clash with Alec Baldwin, Tim Robbins, Susan Sarandon, Sean Penn, and a host of others, whom they take out with gunfire, sword, and martial arts before saving the day. (shorter review: puppet fucking is perfectly acceptable if you kill lefty actors.)

Mr. Miller, just stick to writing misguided political columns, please.