Debunking the "50 greatest conservative songs", part 5 - Breakin' The Law

15. “I Fought the Law,” by The Crickets.

NRO take: The original law-and-order classic, made famous in 1965 by The Bobby Fuller Four and covered by just about everyone since then.

DL take: This is actually quite interesting. The song (not exactly a complex one, since there are only 8 distinct lines) talk about a guy robbing people because he has no money. Now, call me crazy, but I would think that a conservative would tell him to go get a job if that's a problem, because he'd be a drag on the welfare state. But instead, according to the author, apparently he should just go ahead and rob people to get his stash, because laws are bad, and you should fight them.

If there's one song on this list that makes the author sound more full of shit, then I'd like to see it, because I'm flabbergasted on this one.

(disclaimer: most everything below is complete satire. I do not want some anal-retentive asshole thinking that I'm actually attributing some of these songs and/or thoughts to Sammy Hagar, and any reasonable person would realize this but since not everyone that reads this is reasonable I feel compelled to say this up front.)

38. “I Can’t Drive 55,” by Sammy Hagar.

NRO take: A rocker’s objection to the nanny state. (See also Hagar’s pro-America song “VOA.”)

DL take: Yeah Sammy!!! You show them who's boss! These law makers don't know what they're talking about. You know better than anyone at what speeds you can handle your car, so you say 'screw the law, I don't like it so I'm breaking it'!! Stick it to the man!!

The little known fact about this song is that it was actually titled "I Want to Drive Over 55 While Drunk", but the revised title flows much better musically. Because really, some people can just handle their liquor better than others, and who exactly is the state to tell you how much you can drink before you're too impaired to operate a vehicle?! And when you're feeling this rebellious why just break one law when you can break two? Pass the Cabo Wabo baby!!!

As most people would realize, there are laws enacted not just to protect yourself, but also to protect others from your reckless actions (what's the phrase, your freedoms end at the tip of my nose?). Accusing speed limits as tools of a nanny state is about as sensible as denouncing the police for refusing someone the opportunity to open up a shooting range at the intersection of 7th and Vine. It's proven that the likelihood of getting in an accident (as well as the severity of the accident) increases as a car's speed increases. Given the amount of reckless drivers out there, you would think conservatives would be in favor of speed limits...unless they don't care about the lives of their family members after all.

Laws are on the books for a reason, and it always strikes me as funny that republicans call themselves the party that follows the rule of law, until they find a law they don't like, and then they say it's ok to break it in some sort of protest.

Just for kicks, here are some other tunes that Sammy decided not to include on his LP (yes, they had LP's back then), because they all were elements of a 'nanny state':

"I Can't Eat Meat That's Been Irradiated To Kill E-Coli Bacteria"

"I Want To Take Drugs That Haven't Been FDA Approved"

"I Can't Ride in Elevators That Passed Inspection"

"I Can't Walk Into Buildings That Are Compliant With State Code"

"I'm Not Going To Obey Any Laws I Don't Like" (now that truly would have been a conservative song, especially since the president doesn't seem to feel the need to follow laws he doesn't like)

(as for NRO's mentioned tune VOA, this is one they can have. It's knee-jerk reactionary, provincial, isolationist, and just completely inappropriate)