Sexual misinformation

So faithful blogger GQ alerted the DL blog community of a segment on a 'news talk show' concerning the bedroom abilities of Republicans vs. Democrats. In a segment of The Situation with Tucker Carlson (or as I like to call it in my household, Nytol), Tucker and GQ Deputy Editor Michael Hainey discussed an informal study in which GQ determined that Republicans were better in bed than Democrats.

(Warning: cursing and graphic sexual terms ahead. If you can't handle it (i.e. you're a Republican weenie), don't click on the link below)

There's so many issues here that I've got to just go off. First of all, have you ever read GQ? I attempted to, once. All it is is a bunch of articles on shit you'll never afford (or wouldn't want if you could afford it), pictures of leather coats that didn't even look good on the cow they came from, and free cologne scratch 'n smells. It represents no one that I know personally in any walk of life, so why would I even take this seriously?

Second, if these Repubs were such studs, don't you think they could pull hotter chicks than they do? Or do you think maybe there'd be hot Republican women? Find me the Republican women that are hot and not vacuous bags of goo that these guys go out with (that eliminates all of Fox News, sorry Rudi Bakhtiar). Ok, Monica Crowley's not all bad. But come on, this is the party of Marilyn Quayle and G.H.W. Bush's mother/wife! Laura Bush is the hot one for Christ's sake, and I'd take Hillary eight days a week in that matchup! Another thought too: how would these guys know how to fuck so well when they want to end funding for birth control? If they don't believe you should have sex out of procreation, where're they getting all their practice? Warrants mentioning.

Third, and most importantly, click on the show link and look at the pictures. We're being told that we're not as good in bed as Republicans are by
  1. a 30-something guy that thinks bowties are cool, and
  2. a guy who looks like the last rejected member of A Flock of Seagulls

Look at these guys and you tell me if you think either one of them has operated a dick before! This is the equivalent of Gary and Wyatt giving dating advice to Chet in Weird Science. I almost can't look at this without just falling on the ground doubled over in laughter. And to be lectured on this topic by a guy named Tucker...I'm sorry. It's like when Billy Crystal when off on the tangent in When Harry Met Sally about how no one named Sheldon could be an animal in bed. Same goes for Tucker.

So the point of this all is, take this information and throw it in the garbage where it belongs. Besides, I fuck like a god, and I wasn't surveyed, and that would have totally skewed the results the other way. So there Tucker-poo. Now go so far away...

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