Advice for the weatherman

I seem to remember that, seven days ago, the seven day forecast told me that this weekend was going to be much milder, and things would begin to cool off. Hmmm, aren't we headed for a record high temperature today?

Here's my advice: STOP MAKING SEVEN DAY FORECASTS!!! You're always wrong! If you insist on putting something beyond today's and tomorrow's weather in the paper, just print a big fucking fireball next to tomorrow's forecast, because that's all it's ever going to be! Hotter than hell!

Oh, and the paper today says that it's supposed to be in the low 70's next weekend. You know what, when it's 120 next weekend, I think I'll lay that page of the paper on my driveway, pull out a magnifying glass, and then use it to conduct the non-ozone-protected sunbeams to set the fucking thing on fire! No, wait, on second thought scratch that - some of it might blow into my yard, and since we haven't had rain since 1965 it might start a brush fire in my grass!

Have a nice day!