What's pissing me off today

Random thoughts on things that are getting on my nerves today (channeling Lewis Black...):

• Voicemails that end with “have a great day” – maybe I missed it, is this a new trend? I don’t ever remember people doing this even a few years ago, now it’s on everyone’s voicemail. Please, I don’t need to be commanded to have a good day, I will have one if I damn well please, and you will have nothing to do with it. This is only superseded by the greeting “make it a great day”. I’ll have an aneurysm if I think about it any further. Just for that, I’ll make it a shitty day, just so you’ll be miserable that I didn’t listen to your fucking advice. How you like them apples, bitch?
• E-mails that end with “thanks” – has there ever been a more meaningless phrase than thanks? You say it as a knee jerk reaction, but in reality you don’t mean it, or else you would say something like “thank you”, or “I appreciate any help you can give”, or “you are so much cooler than Rick Santorum”. But I’m a Satan worshiper because I don’t include the perfunctory “thanks” in every bit of communication I send. Hmmm, maybe it’s because I think that some of my requests are part of the normal expectations in life. What’s wrong with reserving thank you’s for something out of the ordinary? Geez, people are really pussies sometimes.
• Dogs dressed up as reindeer – has anyone asked the dog how he/she feels about these silly costumes? Aren’t you pissed off at all the stupid things your parents dressed you up as when you were two years old and had no control of the situation? And now you’re doing it to your dog. You suck.