Conspiracy Theory of the Week

Today I'm not offering one theory, but several. In this wondrous modern age we live in, there are so many conspiracies going on in the world at any given time, that it would take a full time staff of researchers to keep track of them all--far too many for one person to do in one weekly column.

Therefore, in order to save time, I'm summarizing some conspiracies, in three parts:

Conspiracies that are actually happening or have happened These are conspiracies that have been well-documented elsewhere, and that I won't go into depth here.

Conspiracies that probably aren't happening or didn't happen. Sometimes, people are getting the idea that a lot of craziness is going on that didn't. Here are a few that, IMHO, fit that description.

Finally, conspiracies that I'm not going to touch with a ten foot pole. You know the ones I mean.

This is only a partial list. I plan on updating this from time to time. Enjoy!
(Updated below)


CONSPIRACIES THAT ARE TOO WELL PUBLICIZED, AND THAT I WILL NOT GO INTO DETAIL ON:

1) Republicans are trying to de-fund the Democratic Party, via tort reform, Israel policy, the K Street project, and union-busting.

2) “Free Trade” is a Trojan horse to drive down environmental, labor, worker safety, etc. regulations and expenses for business, while still protecting many sectors of the economy.

3) Various Dubya situations—Plame (he probably knew, and may have ordered it), Iraq (Bush really really really wanted to send the U.S. into a war with Iraq, and didn’t care why), The GWOT (a convenient excuse to allow him and his lackeys to do anything he wants), tax cuts (starve the beast, anyone?).

4) Iran-Contra. Reagan knew. Bush knew. Caspar Weinberger and George Schultz knew that they knew, and Bush pardoned them to save his, and Reagan’s, ass.

5) Clinton (Bill) was set up.

CONSPIRACIES THAT PROBABLY AREN’T

1) Cancer clusters. Not so much a conspiracy as a cover up, cancer clusters are allegedly caused by some sort of carcinogen being released into the environment (Government agencies and corporations are the typical culprits), which then causes a significant increase in the cancer rates in the area. The statistics are very thin on most reported "clusters." (Note: Now that I think about it, I may develop this more in the future.) UPDATE: All this isn't to say that carcinogens aren't being dumped or anything (they are) I just think the stats are a bit thin, and I'm waiting for more data. Upon further reflection, I guess this isn't so much a conspiracy as a series of more or less run of the mill corporate screwups).

2) Vaccines and autism. There is no connection, regardless of what Robert Kennedy, Jr., thinks. What’s missing from this alleged conspiracy is the motive—why put a damaging additive in vaccines when alternatives are available? Are the dollars involved that significant? I don’t think so.

3) Golden oldie: FDR didn’t know Japan was going to hit Pearl Harbor. He though they were going to attack the Philippines to cover their flank for an attack on the Dutch East Indies. He didn’t think they were going to attack Pearl to cover their flank for the Philippines.

CONSPIRACIES I WOULDN’T TOUCH WITH A FIFTY FOOT POLE:

1) I have no idea who killed JFK, however, I think I like this explanation best.

2) 9/11. I don’t think the CIA or anyone other than some suicidal terrorists brought down the World Trade Center, but I’m not going to look into this stuff enough to either change my mind or refute these allegations completely. I’ll leave it to this guy.