Al Gore: I was just fuckin' with ya

In a stunning admission yesterday, former presidential candidate Al Gore admitted during a speech to Oxford University students in England that he and a group of friends made up everything he's ever said about global warming. According to Gore...

...I was sitting around after I lost the 2000 election, and I was all pissed
off. Then one day Tipper handed me a copy of the most recent
Newsweek, and they had an article about this global warming thing. So I
said, hey, no one really knows what's going on with this, I could probably keep
myself busy talking about this for a long time.

As the shocked gathering of students listened in disbelief, Gore went into greater detail about his expertise, or lack thereof, of climate related issues:

...yeah, I made up a lot of that shit. Greenhouse gases, that was a
pretty fun one to toy around with, no one really knows what that means, so you
can just throw that phrase out there and people go all 'oooh, that's
scary'.

Polar bears are dying off in record numbers? Holy fuck we had fun
coming up with that one. Like anyone's going to go up there and try and
count them, who's calling us on that bullshit? That's like shooting fish
in a barrel. And the ice caps melting? Ha! Did you hear about all the snow we got in the U.S. this winter? Please, if they're losing mass, Rosie O'Donnell is a heterosexual Barbie doll model.

The hard one was convincing people that a one degree increase could really
be dangerous for the world. I mean, think about it, you can push a button
on your thermostat and take care of that in ten minutes, but you barely feel
it. We really struggled there, I think we ended up just saying it hurt the
dolphins or some shit like that. You know all those lefty fucktards, just
say it hurts the cute fishies and they all go throw out their cans of tuna or
buy tofu blocks.

During a Q&A session, one flabbergasted student pressed him on how he was able to make An Incovenient Truth so convincing.

That was some seriously screwed up bullshit. I pulled most of that
out of my ass ten minutes before filming. Truth be told, I was scared to
death. You saw me in the presidential debates, I'm not a very good speaker
without a good script. But I'd taken a few improv classes that were taught
by the skinny guy on Whose Line Is It Anyways, so I felt pretty good
about winging it. Most of my motivation for doing the movie was to ride up
and down on that scaffold thing and use a pointer stick. Seriously, that
shit rocked!

And the best part was, I got a fucking Oscar out of it. Those
Hollywood morons are so desperate to stick it to Bush that they'll give one of
those trophies to anyone that says that Bush is wrong. I could have held
up a sign for 90 minutes that said "Bush kills kittens" and they would have been
getting in line to service me.

They're nothing compared to those Noble Prize judges though, man they've
got a serious hard-on for him. I'm telling you, you guys are so fucking
easy.

Afterwards, Gore joined former British prime minister on an expedition to club baby seals and defile federally protected forest land.