The campaign letter I'd love to see

Dear Senator Clinton,

If you would be so kind as to send us a calendar that details which criteria is most essential to becoming the Democratic nominee for the presidential race on any given day, we would be very appreciative. It's not that we don't trust that your campaign is being honest about what's important on which day, it's just...well, to be honest, we're pretty much addicted to our Blackberrys and PDA's, and we really need to enter these events into them to keep them straight (I know, we're children of the 21st century, it's a fault that we're trying to work on).

For instance, this morning we woke up to find out that today was Electoral Votes Are What Counts Day. That one surprised us; we had thought it was Disenfrachisement Day. Who knew that there was a day dedicated to counting electoral votes in a primary, even though the electoral college isn't used in a primary?

This sort of thing happens to us a lot, and as you can understand, it gets a little embarrassing. We got Re-Vote in Florida Day confused with Re-Vote in Michigan Day. Oh, and then there was the time when we thought it was Primary Caucuses Don't Matter Day, when it was actually Big States Are More Important Than Small States Eve. And we have to admit, people got a little chuckle at our expense when we threw the big Delegates Vote Day bash, only to find out that it was Threaten To Sue Texas For Having An Ass-Backwards Primary/Caucus System That We Agreed To Six Months Ago Day.

Look, we know you're busy. We understand that you must have a ton going on while you try to make people forget that you're going to go into the national convention with less pledged delegates, less popular votes, and having won less total states. But, you can also imagine that we're pretty swamped as well, so if you could assist us in avoiding these faux pas, that would be rockin' awesome.

Your BFF,
Hugs and Kisses,

Senator Barack Obama