The (baby) name game

For those on the site that may be in the business of pro-creation, check out the Social Security Administration's list of the most popular baby names of 2006. Word to the wise; pick something low on the list of the top 100, you'll either be on the cutting edge of a new trend, or you'll have a unique name.

Some thoughts on each side:

Boys

• Noah (#15) nothing like naming your kid after a crazy guy that talked to God and built a big life raft for a bunch of animals, most of which likely took unbelievable amounts of shits on it as a thank you. Why don't you just call your kid "Wacky Cleaner of Poop"? Looks like we'll have a lot of maritime enthusiasts in the year 2030. Which is good, we need to win back the America's Cup, if they still race that.
• #19-25 - who would have thought we would ever see Logan as being more popular than John, Christian, Jonathan, Nathan, Benjamin, and Samuel? Snooty pseudo-intellectuals trump good old biblical names.
• Zach & Caleb (#33-34) - alright, there's a trend worth keeping going!
• Others that piss me off: Austin (#41), Aiden (#44), Jayden (#50), Connor (#53), Hunter (#54), Hayden (#73), Brayden (#79 - just spell it normally damnit), Wyatt, Chase, Cole, Tristan (#82-84, 86 - when did it become a goal to make your family sound like the cast of Tombstone or Legends of the Fall), and the grand prize winners, the Jaden-Caden-Kaden trio (#88, 91-92 - I fully believe that the last two were added just to get on my nerves).
• Names that will make Glenn Beck really worried about the state of our country's borders: Angel & Jose (#31-32), Diego (#56), Juan & Luis (#61-62), Carlos (#70), Jesus (#74), Miguel (#89), Antonio (#93), and Alejandro (#96)

Girls

• The entire top 10 (Emily, Emma, Madison, Isabella, Ava, Abigail, Olivia, Hannah, Sophia, Samantha) - maybe I missed it, was there a law passed that every newborn girl's name had to sound like someone that Frank Sinatra would have banged in the early 50's? Really? You want that?
• Grace, Chloe, and Brianna (#17,18,20) - I get the feeling these were inspired by a two-hour Touched by an Angel episode. But if they grow up to look like Jennifer Love Hewitt, then all is forgiven.
• Destiny (#37) - yeah...
• Kayla, Kaylee, and Kylie (#26, 42, 66) - this is where the government needs to step in and enforce one spelling or another. There's no need for variation here, you'll be serving your country.
• Nevaeh (#43) - named after a personal cleaning product. Oooooook.
• Avery (#52) - when I think of Avery, I think of the actor Avery Brooks. Unless you feel the need to have your daughter turn into a shaved headed body guard (or you already have a future husband named Spenser in mind), steer clear of this one.
• Arianna & Ariana (#77-78) - in the words of Gob Bluth, COME ON!!
• Jayla & Layla (#99-100) - if there was ever a reason to rig the rankings, this is it. Putting the subject of one of the greatest rock songs of all-time below its ripoff? No, this is where cheating works.