The Last Cubicle On The Left

A lot of companies, including the one I work for, are outsourcing their hi-tech jobs overseas. What was once going to be the growing job market, replacing automotive manufacturing jobs, has now started to go the way of the automotive industry. It’s not just the hi-tech jobs such as programming that are moving overseas – it’s that, plus accounting, call centers, and even federal, state, and local governments are outsourcing. The main reason you will hear is cost. It is cheaper to hire someone in India to write code for an application than it is to hire an American worker plus companies do not have to provide any benefits or pay into Social Security or Worker’s Compensation. What is not taken into account is the quality of the product. Sure, the offshore developers may understand the programming language that they use for development, but they do not understand the business. Anyone who is a developer knows that you need to understand the company’s business in order to produce a product that works for them. I have many friends that work in technology and I find that they all say the same thing – they spend more hours fixing the application that was written offshore than they do on the code developed in-house by the co-worker in the cube next to them.

The fact is that outsourcing is taking jobs away from this country. As Lou Dobbs says, it’s the exporting of America.

But what does the president have to say about this? Recently he took a trip to India and in the March 3 New York Times, he had this to say:

"People do lose jobs as a result of globalization, and it's painful for those who lose jobs," Mr. Bush said at meeting with young entrepreneurs at Hyderabad's Indian School of Business, one of the premier schools of its kind in India. Nonetheless, the president said, "globalization provides great opportunities."

I wonder how he would feel if it was his job being outsourced?

I then received this email from my ex-work wife:

Subject: Bush being outsourced
Congress today announced that the office of President of the United States of America would be outsourced to India as of May 31, 2006.

The move is being made to save the President's $400,000 yearly salary, and also a record $521 billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead the office has incurred during the last 5 years.

"We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost savings should be significant," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). Reynolds, with the aid of the Government Accounting Office, has studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively. "We cannot expect to remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash outlay," Reynolds noted.

Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of his termination. Preparations for the job move have been underway for sometime. Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India, will be assuming the office of President as of March 22, 2006.

Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month but with no health coverage or other benefits. It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night, when few offices of the US Government will be open. "Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the American Express call center," stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. "I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be President someday."

A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should not be a problem because Bush was not familiar with the issues either. Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses, he can address common concerns without having to understand the underlying issues at all.

"We know these scripting tools work," stated the spokesperson. "President Bush has used them successfully for years." Mr. Singh may have problems with the Texas drawl, but lately Bush has abandoned the "down home" persona in his effort to appear intelligent and on top of the Katrina situation.

Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final day of employment. Following a two week waiting period, he will be eligible for $240 a week unemployment for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit.

Mr. Bush has been provided the out-placement services of Manpower, Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a new position due to limited practical work experience. A Greeter position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to Bush's extensive experience shaking hands and phony smile.

Another possibility is Bush's re-enlistment in the Texas Air National Guard. His prior records are conspicuously vague but should he choose this option, he would likely be stationed in Waco, TX for a month, before being sent to Iraq, a country he has visited. "I've been there, I know all about Iraq," stated Mr. Bush, who gained invaluable knowledge of the country in a visit to the Baghdad Airport's terminal and gift shop.

Sources in Baghdad and Falluja say Mr. Bush would receive a warm reception from local Iraqis. They have asked to be provided with details of his arrival so that they might arrange an appropriate welcome.

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