Know Your Enemy: Answers in Genesis

It's Thursday, which means that it's time for another installment of Know Your Enemy, our weekly highlight of a notable adversary to democratic goals. Without further ado, I would like to introduce his week's Enemy: Answers in Genesis.

Who is Answers in Genesis? Answers in Genesis (AIS) is a ministry started by Australian Ken Hamm in 1979.

What is their mission? AIS is "dedicated to enabling Christians to defend their faith, and to proclaim the gospel of Jesus Christ effectively." AIS is focused on responding to questions about the book of Genesis—"the most-attacked book of the Bible," they contend—and to "expose the bankruptcy of evolutionary ideas," particularly the idea of the earth being "millions of years old."

How do they intend to do that? I'm glad you asked! Did you know that they're building a museum in Northern Kentucky?

A museum? Cool! I love museums! Let's do a DL field trip—I'm riding shotgun!!! Now, hold on there, Sparky—it won't open until 2007.

But I wanna go NOW! I know, I know. The good news is that the AIS Website has lots of photos of the museum in progress of being built. Here—take a look!

Yeah! Thanks! Look—there are dinosaurs! Sweeeet! Did you know that the AIS hired the former head of design at Universal Studios to design the dinosaurs?

Awesome! This museum is gonna rock! And look—there's a picture of a dinosaur coming to eat that naked guy! Remember in "Jurassic Park" when the guy who played Newman on "Seinfeld" was killed by a Dilophosaurus? That was cool! Ummm, I don't think you understand. That dinosaur is not going to eat the naked man.

Huh? And that is not just any naked man—that's Adam.

No it isn't—he looks nothing like Adam! No—not THAT Adam—THE Adam.

THE Adam? You mean like Adam in "Adam-And-Eve" Adam? Yep.

Wait a minute--I've read Genesis and I don't remember ANYTHING about dinosaurs! Well, AIS has scriptural evidence that dinosaurs existed during the time of Adam and Eve: "The Bible tells us that God created all of the land animals on the sixth day of creation. As dinosaurs were land animals, they must have been made on this day, alongside Adam and Eve, who were also created on Day Six (Genesis 1:24-31). If God designed and created dinosaurs, they would have been fully functional, designed to do what they were created for, and would have been 100% dinosaur."

"100% dinosaur"?!? That's 100% crap! It took millions of years for dinosaurs to evolve! You've been watching too much Discovery Channel. According to the AIS the Bible provides aple evidence that dinosaurs "occurred only thousands of years ago (perhaps only 6000!), not millions of years."

But dinosaur fossils PROVE that dinosaurs lived millions of years ago! Not necessarily. "If dinosaurs evolved from amphibians, there should be, for example, fossil evidence of animals that are part dinosaur and part something else. However, there is no proof of this anywhere. In fact, if you go into any museum you will see fossils of dinosaurs that are 100% dinosaur, not something in between. There are no 25%, 50%, 75%, or even 99% dinosaurs—they are all 100% dinosaur!"

Ok, if full-fledged, 100% dinosaurs were "created" 6000 years ago, how did they become exinct? Simple—most of them drowned when the Great Flood hit, and then the ones that were on the Ark simply died out.

Excuse me—what's this about an ark? Noah's Ark, of course! Who else's Ark would I be talking about?

Are you saying that DINOSAURS WERE ON NOAH'S ARK?!? I'm not saying it—the Bible (as interprested by the AIS) is: "God sent two of every (seven of some) land animal into the Ark (Genesis 7:2-3; 7:8-9)—there were no exceptions. Therefore, dinosaurs must have been on the Ark."

How could a freaking T.Rex fit on a wooden boat?!? "Even though there was ample room in the huge ship for large animals, perhaps God sent young adults into the Ark that still had plenty of room for them to grow."

So two teenage T.Rex sailed on Noah's Ark?!? Hey, that's what the Bible (as interpreted by the AIS) says—who I am to dispute that?

I don't think I want to go to the museum anymore. Oh come on—there's so much more to see—like the Crucifixion! In 3-D!!!

I've always wanted to see the Crucifixion in 3-D! I tried watching "The Passion of the Christ" with 3-D glassses on, but it didn't work. If you think that's cool, then you should also check out the Bible Authority Room, where "Paul explains God’s authoritative Word, and everyone who rejects His history—including six-day creation and Noah’s Flood—is ‘willfully’ ignorant."

So what happens to people who are "'willfully' ignorant"? The AIS Website doesn't say, but if it's against "God's authoritative word", then I'm thinking H-E-Double Hockey-Sticks.

So according to the AIS, if I DON'T believe that God created dinosaurs in a day, then I'm going to H-E-Double Hockey-Sticks? My Magic 8-Ball says, "Outlook good."

Why would I want to go to a place where I'm considered ignorant? I'll tell you why: to take a picture of the Virgin Mary wearing a Drinking Liberally pin.

I'm in! Field trip in 2007! Shotgun!!!