Lou Grammy Award predictions

One man's stab at who should win Wednesday night, who will win, and just why the voting committee will feel the need to screw it all up.

Category	Who Should Win	Who Will Win	Reason
Record of the Year	“Boulevard of Broken Dreams”, Green Day	“We Belong Together”, Mariah Carey	Grammy voting committee appreciates the potential comedy of a ‘Mariah goes crazy/loses her dress’ moment
Album of the Year	“How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb”, U2	“Love. Angel. Music. Baby.”, Gwen Stefani	Awards look to claim some ‘street cred’ without becoming ‘too ghetto’
Song of the Year	“Sometimes You Can’t Make It On Your Own”, U2	“Bless The Broken Road”, Rascal Flatts	Time-honored Grammy tradition of giving a major award to a group that half the viewing audience has never heard of
Best New Artist	Keane/Fall Out Boy/John Legend/Sugarland	Ciara	Committee hopes that she will be saddled with the ‘Best New Artist Jinx’, and we will never hear another collaboration between her and Missy Elliott again
Best Female Pop Vocal Performance	“Good Is Good”, Sheryl Crow	“Good Is Good”, Sheryl Crow	Don’t fuck with Lance’s fiancé – seriously, you don’t want none of that
Best Male Pop Vocal Performance	“Sitting, Waiting, Wishing”, Jack Johnson	“Lonely No More”, Rob Thomas	Thomas convinces voters that Santana played on the track, which guarantees a Grammy
Best Pop Performance by a Group	“My Doorbell”, The White Stripes	“This Love”, Maroon 5	Because only the voting committee could blow a slam dunk like this, and I have complete confidence that they will
Pest Pop Vocal Collaboration	“Feel Good Inc.”, Gorillaz & De La Soul	“Virginia Moon”, Foo Fighters & Norah Jones	Committee feels need to justify giving 36 Grammys to Jones three years ago and then watch her do nothing since (The Tracy Chapman Corollary)
Best Pop Vocal Album	“Wildflower”, Sheryl Crow	“Breakaway”, Kelly Clarkson	Committee feels need to validate the existence of American Idol
Best Rock Performance by a Group	“All These Things That I’ve Done”, The Killers	“Speed Of Sound”, Coldplay	Chris Martin threatens to name the voters’ children after pieces of fruit
Best Hard Rock Performance	“The Hand That Feeds”, Nine Inch Nails	“Little Sister”, Queens of the Stone Age	Because the committee has a fever! And the only prescription is MORE COWBELL!
Best Rock Album	“How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb”, U2	“A Bigger Bang”, Rolling Stones	Recognition of their still being alive after having done more drugs than half the American population combined
Best Rap/Sung Collaboration	“Numb/Encore”, Jay Z & Linkin Park	Anyone else	Because that would really piss me off, and that matters to the committee (I can’t honestly believe this is a category anyways)
Best Country Song	“All Jacked Up”, Gretchen Wilson or “I May Hate Myself In The Morning”, Lee Ann Womack	“Bless The Broken Road”, Rascal Flatts	Committee afraid of either giving John Rich (writer of All Jacked Up) air time, or awarding a song about booty calls after a few beverages
Best Country Album	“All Jacked Up”, Gretchen Wilson	“All Jacked Up”, Gretchen Wilson	Appreciation of her ability to consume large amounts of alcohol, make a fool of herself, and tell everyone about it