Master Debaters

Live tonight from Ronald Reagan center for arms sales and guerilla warfare, it's the 1st Republican debate! I am sure that this will be very entertaining and should make Mike Gravel's time on stage seem like the most sane thing that ever happened in political debates.

Here are my predictions and things to look for tonight:

Rudy Giuliani
Count how many times he can use, "9/11" in a sentence. By the time the debate starts, he may be on his 4th wife.

John McCain
Let's see how he backs out of his statements on the shining example of Democracy in Iraq. Extra points for breaking into song. Perhaps, "Bomb Iran" or he will resurrect another all time favorite, "Ayatollah" sung to the tune, "My Sharona".

Mitt Romney
Flip-flop, flip-flop, flip-flop. How many times can he contradict himself in one evening?

Sam Brownback
Sam Brownback's campaign brought to you by Dominos Pizza. He will spend most of his time talking about God and his hatred toward immigrants, gays, evolution, and global warming.

Tom Tancredo
See Sam Brownback. They may as well be the same person, but Tancredo does not have the pizza endorsement.

Ron Paul
He will spend most of his time explaining who he is. During the applause moments you may her crickets chirping.

Duncan Hunter
Be prepared for him to shout out something like, "Two types of fruit bitches!" when defending his view on detainment. He may try to get Brownback to deliver some pizzas to Gitmo.

Mike Huckabee
I don't really have anything to say about him. On paper, he looks normal. Sure he's a conservative but he doesn't seem to possess any of those wing-nut qualities. If we want a Dem president, we need to pray that he slips up because our chances of winning will be greater with some total whack job (see Hunter, Brownback, Tancredo).

James Gilmore
Um, Pink Floyd? Or was that David Gilmour. Prepare to see him blending in the background with the plants and flags.

Tommy Thompson
Prepare to see him attempt to compliment other diverse groups only to offend them.

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